That’s it. That’s the post. Not really, but it could be.
I’m writing this today, fresh off the heels of being friendzoned by someone I was really into. Now that the dust is kinda settled, I can process it and dive into why I was so upset and shed some early morning tears.
Rejection isn’t a stranger to any of us. Well, if it is, you haven’t lived enough yet. The hardest part of it is the meaning we attach to the rejection and not necessarily the rejection itself. If someone you don’t value the opinion of dislikes an idea or something personal to you, you likely won’t care, but if it comes from a loved one, ooofff.
Alright, for context, someone I was talking to and hanging out with very frequently friend zoned me. I balled my eyes out. I had been friend zoned plenty of times, but this one stung. Part of it was the incredible and rapid vulnerability we shared and our compatibility. I just KNEW this was going to be a long term us kinda deal, but nah. I had built this grand vision in my head and reality skidded in and it all came tumbling down. It’s cool though. I learned that I should stay in my poly lane and be glad that I am in a place where vulnerability isn’t so difficult. It took me yeaarrsss to be vulnerable with my best friend, so this was a momentous occasion for me to get in that space within a span of weeks.
What really helped me in the moment of great despair was to keep an eye on what I’m feeling and to let the emotion out. Just let it go. Better out than in. After that, I focused on the next thing. Breathing. One thing that I have kept in the back of my mind for episodes of intense emotion is that fact that emotions, even the most intense ones, usually dissipate within 90 seconds. “According to Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, ninety seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion and allow it to dissipate while you simply notice it.” Here’s the link this is from. If I can sit with this from 90 seconds, then I can start the process of the next thing. Whatever that next thing is. For me, at the time, it was breathing.
One other thought came to mind and that is, it’s freeing to allow people to be who they are and speak their truth. You don’t have a say in it. There is also freedom in letting go and allowing your emotions to flow. You don’t have to keep anything bottled up and if you do, that will prevent you from dealing with it.
I’m in a much better place today and can keep focusing on breathing, living and loving.
What insights do you have about rejection? Let me know in the comments.
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